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Can You Say Something Else Other Than: Having Said That?

As a new writer, I’ve learned not to use popular clichés although unfortunately, I probably use them when talking.  But one that I do not like hearing is and can say I've never used is “having said that” or that being said” or “that said” – if it’s even a cliché or just an over used term.   According to the blog Clear Writing with Mr. Clarity: “Unfortunately, having said that has graduated from fad to mania over the last five or six years. That means more of us are tending to use it without thinking.”

I cringe when I hear someone use the phrase. I did just hear them say what they just said.  I don’t have extra wax in my ears that prevent me from hearing what they are saying. So why use it? Habit? Nothing else to say? Better to use it than to say “you know”, “yeah like” or “ummm?”

There are no rules of English grammar that say you can’t use it. Although according to Clear Writing with Mr. Clarity, “The phrase having said that must be followed immediately by a noun or pronoun referencing the person(s) who said whatever preceded having said that.”  You can’t use “there” after the phrase because it is not grammatical. 

And using “having said that” when writing instead of talking well now that’s worse.  Maybe we can start write: “having wrote that” or “that being written”, oh and better yet, “that written” or “that wrote” (ooh that sounds like horrible grammar - wonder what Mr. Clarity has to say about that?).  And that’s my humble opinion on the phrase!  Oh and Mr. Clarity also says not to use “like” as I just did

People Hire People Article: One Company, One Call, One Interview

The following article is reprinted with permission from an email that Kathleen Conners sent to me. Read my post on speaking to Kathleen.

This email came to PeopleHirePeople after Duane placed just one phone call to the president!

From: Duane
Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2008 10:48 AM
To: Kathleen@peoplehirepeople.com
Subject: Denver Company

Hello Kathleen,

After you suggested the pump company I got the President's name from a database and called. After presenting my elevator speech I got an appointment to see him on the 10/28!

Learn as much as you can about the target company and then just call. He did not ask for a resume so I am inclined to just bring one to the meeting and if asks for a resume offer him the a choice of accepting the one I have with me or sending one that addresses the type of position he has in mind. He did not give an indication on the phone of what he has in mind.

What do you think of that approach?

Thanks,

Duane

How did Duane find the president’s name? After researching the company web site, Duane discovered that the president’s name was not on the listed nor was his name mentioned in any of the company’s press releases or news articles. So Duane went into Reference USA. He accessed Reference USA  online through the local public library’s reference center.  Duane learned that company is private and has about 20 employees with revenues of ten to fifteen million dollars. 

Why did the president make the meeting nine business days from the phone call?  Turns out like a lot of busy executives he had a heavy travel schedule. So the meeting date was conveniently placed into his schedule. Note that this president like many other small business executives does his own scheduling.

PeopleHirePeople’s advice to Duane is to carry his resume to the meeting but not to bring it out unless the opportunity presents itself. Instead go with the flow and have some key probing questions prepared. It might be more appropriate to email a resume after the meeting so that Duane can tweak it reflecting the needs the president communicates for the company. The tweaked resume, a thank you and a proposal plan as to what Duane can do for the company make for a terrific follow up. If this meeting turns out to be more on the line as an informational interview than an employment opportunity, Duane should ask the president for some industry referrals. Lastly Duane should ask permission to use the president’s name when contacting those referrals.

When job candidates do their due diligence in research and phone calls, things happen. Job candidates have nothing to lose and everything to gain by directly approaching industry executives of small businesses. Contacts plus phone calls equates to face-to-face meetings.

Kathleen Conners developed PeopleHirePeople hunt & contact strategies for job search. She is a full time recruiter and a guest lecturer to MBA programs at major universities.  Kathleen creates Starter Action Strategies (SAS) for individual job candidates and has written the book, The Thrill of the Hunt: Get Real in Your Job Search.   www.peoplehirepeople.com   Copyright 8/11/08

Contact Katleen at kathleen@peoplehirepeople.com. She can be reached at 303.790.0354.

 

Avoiding The Job Search Black Hole

I emailed Kathleen Conners to find out if she had a job seeker seminar scheduled.  She called me back - her normal technique for finding hiring manager.  She is the author of The Thrill of the Hunt: Get Real in Your Job Search and a local recruiter.  Since I did not have my contact information on my email other than my website, I was surprised to receive her phone call - but I shouldn't be. 

With the current US economy unemployment rate, Kathleen has used and continues using techniques for finding hiring managers for advertised and non-advertised jobs.  Her book outlines successful strategies for finding employment through non-traditional ways. 

As employment recruiters go, she concentrates on smaller companies because, she says, they provide 85% of jobs.  And seven out of ten jobs are created by small businesses.

She says to quit wasting time sending cover letters and resumes to the black hole of job search websites.  You probably have a 2-1/2 % chance of getting called.  Don’t network to find a job because it wastes a lot of time.  In ten minutes you can find out more from speaking with someone about a posted job and see if it they are actually hiring or may have the job on hold.  Make phone calls to find hiring managers. She outlines strategies in her book that rock.

Two weeks ago, I attended a job seeker meeting in the Denver area and a man named Chris attested to his success after attending her seminar and reading her book. For two weeks he had interviews every day.  He found his prospects on a list of job search engines and calling.  He said it was so easy, he couldn’t believe it.

When I spoke to Kathleen about hating to pick up the phone to call someone I didn’t know, she said it got easier the more you did it. And yes, having a career in sales, it should come naturally, but it doesn't. However, she's right. When I've cold called, it does get easier.

Luckily, she has decided to share her ideas at her upcoming seminar on February 12 in Greenwood Village, Colorado.  Even if you aren’t looking for a job, it’s a great way to sharpen your sales skills and find the right decision makers. And if you need to find job openings before you call, here's a list of job search engines.

She sent an article for me to share entitled One Company, One Call, One Interview… about job searching that may inspire you to pick up the phone.  I will be posting that tomorrow. Please post comments regarding your ideas and how you organize your job search.

OMG Easy Gourmet Scallops

Oh my gosh, you will love this recipe. If you’re trying to figure out how to cook scallops, here’s one of my favorite scallop recipes. A few ingredients, a few minutes and you have a delicious main dish. It’s ideal to cook the onion and garlic in an iron skillet on the stove and then transfer it to the oven. If not, transfer to an oven proof dish.

3 to 4 shallots sliced
2 garlic gloves minced
½ lb sea scallops
2 tsp Thai chile mayonnaise (or mix 1 tsp regular mayo with Thai chili paste to taste)
Extra virgin olive oil
½ lime or lemon juice (optional)

Bring oven to broil. Rinse scallops, pat dry and place in bowl.  Mix in Thai mayo.  Put iron skillet on burner and warm for a few minutes on almost medium heat.  Once warm add a small amount of olive oil to sauté shallots until translucent and tender perhaps just a bit brown. Add garlic for just a minute. Add scallops and transfer to the oven.  Broil scallops for about 3 minutes on each side. Use as a main dish.  They are also absolutely delicious over mixed lettuce.  If serving several, double or triple accordingly.  I normally eat about 1/3 of a pound by myself but if I want leftovers, I make more. This is absolutely a gourmet scallop recipe. 

What Part Of "He's Just Not Into You" Do You Not Understand?

I don’t get it. I’m middle aged, fat and happy. Okay not so fat (thank God), and always looking for ways to be happy. But I really think by this age we should know when guys are really not into us. I don’t understand why we make excuses for guys and their behaviors of not pursuing or not calling. I can understand when we were younger, that we weren’t as secure. And I’m not saying that we should make them wrong for it, we should just get a clue. I'll admit occasionally perhaps I’m not always great at figuring it out either.

Years ago, I went out with a nice guy I met at a party. He was quite attentive calling a couple of times a week and asking me out every weekend and I always said yes and enjoyed his company. Then one week, he just didn’t call and I sure didn’t pick up the phone to call him. After two months of dating, I was hurt and wondered why, oh why he hadn’t called. Did I say something wrong? Did I do something wrong? Ah, yes the self-blame and self-doubt.

Coincidentally, that same week Sex and the City’sepisode was the very same one that eventually launched Greg Behrendt’s (and Liz Tuccillo’s) book He’s Just Not That into You. Apparently he was a writer and consultant (and she was a writer) on the show. I asked one of my friends that had also watched the episode, So do you think he’ll call? Her answer, Well, if you want me to be honest, probably not, Jo. He’s just not into you. We both laughed and laughed. I knew that was it. 

I must have felt like Miranda (I know she's just a character) on Sex and the City – liberated, free, knowing it wasn’t personal, hey it wasn’t about me. Or perhaps it was about me, but who cared? He called two weeks later when I was home and I saw his name on caller ID. I listened to his message as it recorded:  Oh, hey, Jo. Ummm, I haven’t called, guess I’ve been ummm kind of busy. You know I’ve been ummm well I don’t know – just busy. Give me a call when you can. Wanted to know if maybe we could ummm do something.

I could choose to call him. Yeah, right - in your dreams, buddy. For the previous two weeks, I had experienced the hurt of rejection. I had come to the realization that he really was just not that into me and I never did call him. Oh, I must say that did feel good.

But what is it with women and men in relationships? Why can’t we get it? Last week a friend of mine told me the guy she just started seeing said he’d call her on Sunday after he returned from a ski trip. He didn’t. Yes and she worried that he had had a car accident on the way home or perhaps was in the morgue. (I told her that was just about impossible.) She was determined not to call him this time - although a few weeks before she had asked him out. He called a couple of days later and apologized when she brought it up. He hadn't even realized he had said he would call her. She told me she felt good about expressing her feelings and asking for what she wanted. But why should we make the guy wrong for being who he is? 

I think there is a fine line between expressing your feelings and realizing that people are who they are and nothing you can do will change that. Calling should not be a chore and if it is, they are just not into you. I know, I know we can pick up the phone and call them. I mean we're liberated, aren’t we? But just like Greg Behrendt says in his book and I am paraphrasing: men want to pursue us. And if they are into us, they should. Perhaps it’s the hunter gatherer cave man thing. 

Just Say Thank You, Please

Last week I shopped at Costco and found a deal: for $299 you can join 24Hour Fitness for two years or $12.50 a month with no initiation fee. I’m a member of 24Hour and I sent a friend a 24 day free pass from their website which she is taking advantage of and thought she might be interested in the great deal. 

Melissa, I said, “I’m not sure you would consider this, but Costco has this great deal.”
Her response, “No I don’t want to spend the money. And if I join I might join as an add-on family member with my neighbor.  Not interested.”
 
She kept going until I interrupted and said, “Okay, I have to go. I will talk to you later.” 

No “Gee, thanks for thinking of me.”  No “Wow. What a great deal - wish I could.” No creative ways to say thank you.  Just a lot of reasons as to why not. And I started thinking: I know how someone feels when someone is trying to be helpful by making what they think is a good suggestion and I quickly say no, not interested before I find creative ways to say thank you by simply saying: Thank you for thinking of me.  Great suggestion. Even though I may not be interested or it is quite irrelevant to me.  

When you say thank you, it makes the other person feel good and it makes you feel better about not making excuses. It also makes the situation positive.

I’ve noticed the difference in a few job seeker groups I attend.  The one with the positive slant is Caffeinated Careers Club led by Tracy Laswell Valdez of Career Magic in Arvada, Colorado. One of the rules on their Yahoo group networking site is: Please don't tell us all that you already know on a topic, as this wastes precious networking time and shuts down others who might try to help you. Smiling and saying "Thank You" will open the door for more assistance.

It’s not a pity party! Do not waste your precious networking opportunity by telling us sad stories about how unfair your job loss is, how crappy the economy is, how much you hate job searching, how scary your bills are, how limited your possibilities are, how no one will call you back, how mean the interviewers are, how the younger generation / foreign competition / robots are taking our jobs, how the politicians are messing everything up, etcetera. While any number of these things may have some truth to them, and we sympathize, this is not the time or place to complain. It will suck the life out of the group and discourage people from connecting with you. Playing the role of victim will not help you get through your job search. Empower yourself to accept what you cannot change, and focus on impacting the things you can about your search.

Ditto. I’ve learned so much by attending this group on choosing my attitude and how my words can affect others.  And I’ve experienced other meetings where job seekers are allowed to go on and on about their situation. I’ve seen how it deflates the morale of the group and I’m sure affects the person speaking. because they affirm their beliefs out loud for everyone.  So the next time someone makes a suggestion, just say thank you. You’ll feel better and so will they - one baby step at a time.

Crock Pot Easy Curry Chicken Recipe

This is a great recipe to warm you up on cold winter nights. This easy curry chicken recipe it not necessarily as low fat or healthy as most of the things I make – but for Crockpot chicken recipes, it’s definitely got the home-cooked taste.  Feel free to add more or substitute vegetables.  Serve over brown or basmati rice.

3 carrots, peeled and sliced
½ red pepper, sliced or chopped
1/3 to ½ of large eggplant
½ green pepper, sliced or chopped
3 shallots chopped
3 cloves garlic whole
2 chicken breasts (3/4 to 1 pound) cubed
2 to 3 Tbsp red curry paste (or to taste – may be hot spicy so be careful)
½ cup coconut milk
1 can cream or mushroom soup (low sodium)
for a stronger curry taste you can add to taste (1/2 tsp or so) of ground coriander, turmeric and ground cumin 
salt & pepper to taste (I normally use Knorr’s chicken bullion instead of salt) 

Easy! Mix everything together in the Crock pot. Cook on high for 4 to 5 hours or on low 8 to 10 hours. Or can start on high for 2 hours, then on low for 6 hours. 

Review of Doubt

I wonder if the directors/producers of movies pay the critics to give their movie good reviews.  Overall on Google, Doubt had a 4/5 star rating from the different reviewers. I watched Doubt last week starring Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams and other big stars that is based on a tony winning play.  The best part of the movie was the fantastic, passionate acting by Meryl Streep – not at all bending to her belief and convictions.  It started off very slow that the friend I was with took a nap.  After watching the commercials, I knew I would love it, but I didn’t.  I can say that the actors did a good job on their craft.  The scenes settings were limited and I would have preferred to have seen the play instead.

I was a young girl in a Catholic school at the time the movie was set in – 1964.  It did bring back memories of the hierarchy the church followed – bishops, priests, nuns – too many I can’t remember. But priests in other words, had say over nuns and in retrospect nuns definitely had say over us.  Meryl Steep’s character certainly reminded me of some real life nuns I knew as a child.

If I had a choice now, I probably wouldn’t see it – well maybe as a rental or at the dollar theater.  Hey but everyone is entitled to their opinion and with these strong actors, I imagine it might win lots of awards including some of the 5 Golden Globes it is nominated for.

Enchiladas for Christmas Eve In Nuevo Laredo

At the height of the drug war in Nuevo Laredo, Tamaulipas in Mexico 400 people were murdered in 2005 and 2006.  This year, the count is 50 –  still higher than the city I live in today, Aurora, Colorado –  a bit smaller in population where 27 people were murdered last year. 

But this story is not about the murders in Nuevo Laredo but how through these scary times of drug wars, every time I visited my family in Laredo, Texas, we’ve always crossed the border to dine at La Paisana, a restaurant that serves only a few dishes and many only on certain days. 

If you’re looking for white table cloths and napkins, candlelit tables and waiters in tuxes, don’t go to La Paisana.  You’ll get Formica table tops, plastic covered chairs, blaring Spanish language television playing soap operas and delicious, genuine, good old home-cooked flautas and tostadas.  Melt-in-your- mouth enchiladas stuffed with queso fresco topped with potatoes and carrots, accompanied with perfectly ripened slices of avocado and refried beans are served only on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays.  And they are a must have as far as I am concerned. 

Most of us ordered half enchiladas (2), half flautas (2) with ternera (beef), topped with sautéed onions cooked in oil and vinegar.  I ordered the flautas medium fried.  The other choices are soft (like soft tacos) or traditional.   

The prices were great before but after the recent devaluation of the Mexican currency, the prices are amazing (you should say cheap): $4.34 for enchiladas, $4.72 for flautas and $5.02 for tostadas.  The prices on the menu are in pesos – after all it is Mexico.    

It was Christmas Eve without tamales – our normal tradition and I was with my family: my brother, sister-in-law, two nephews, and one nephew and his wife. The restaurant was closing at 7:00 and we arrived at 6:00. We were the only customers in the restaurant.  And we commented how perhaps this would be our new early Christmas Eve tradition – La Paisana in Nuevo Laredo as long as it’s Tuesday, Wednesday or Friday.   

Taqueria La Paisana is located at Camargo No. 1122 in Nuevo Laredo. Their telephone is (867) 712-7440. From the US dial 011 52 (867) 712-7440