I just read that Oprah is embarrassed and mad at herself about her weight gain (back at 200 pounds) according to an article on Yahoo News provided by AP. I look at her and think she is beautiful, accomplished and super successful – what does she have to worry about?
I am a year younger than Oprah, not as (even close to being) successful or accomplished and this past weekend I was getting mad at myself for gaining 8-1/2 pounds since the beginning of summer. The biggest problem - I threw away my true fat clothes several years ago when I was positive this time I’d never gain the weight again.
The latest “fat clothes” I bought three years ago at Old Navy – so I wouldn’t have to spend a fortune while I was a bit overweight - don’t fit anymore. When I wore them this past Saturday, my stomach hung over and hurt from the jeans being so tight plus I wore a shirt that hid the upper portion of the jeans. I told a new acquaintance last week, “Let’s not talk about gaining weight. I can only fit into two pairs of pants in my closet.” She said, “Don’t even go there – you’re going to make me feel really bad. I am at least thirty pounds overweight.”
And I know she's right. But why do I get so mad at and down on myself? Normal Body Mass Index for my height and weight is 18.5 to 24.9, overweight is 25 to 29.9, obese is 30, mine is 23 (Oprah’s BMI is 31.8). So I have 2.0 to hit overweight. And if you grant me the age excuse and saw me in person, at One Twenty something and a half (I had listed my actual weight but I hate looking at it in writing), you’d probably say I wasn’t overweight (perhaps I hide it well?). Plus I actually do have low thryroid (just like Ophra) according to my blood tests but I refused to get on medicine until the second blood test, a year later, showed it was true. For a year I was in denial.
I imagine I’ve lost at least 100 pounds (10 or so at a time) in my lifetime. And gained even more. I’m a lifetime member of Weight Watchers (yes it helped for years), tried the South Beach diet (good and easy) and the grapefruit diet (for a ½ day). I’ve walked, skied, lifted weights, cycled, hiked the Colorado mountains, joined health clubs. But not consistently – at least not the past several years when it is more important than ever to really care for myself.
And the more frustrated and down I get on myself, the more I want to eat. The more I eat, the worse I feel about the clothes that don’t fit. I remember as a child my mom asking me several times each meal “don’t you want more"? I would tell her, “I’m not hungry mom.” I owned my diet. And now when I feel frustrated, worried, I want to eat because I want to taste her homemade roast and fluffy mashed potatoes and remember her smile.
Can I be happy with the 10 plus eternal overweight pounds? Can I just relax and buy new bigger fat clothes? Can I admit I am from the baby boomer generation and that’s just life? Can I quit focusing on how bad I feel, how fat I look, how my clothes don’t fit? Can I concentrate on the positive and thereby attract the opposite of what I’ve been feeling? Doesn’t this law of attraction say that we get what we focus on whether it is good or bad?
One morning last February I was applying body lotion when I realized how meticulous I am when it comes to skin care. With the dry Colorado weather, I apply body oil right before I get out of the shower. As soon as I dry off, I use a heavy lotion on my body and I finish with a sun block lotion. Before I go to sleep, I apply a heavy cream to my feet, face lotion, lip moisturizer and under eye cream.
If I can take such good care of myself on the outside, why couldn’t I do the same for the inside? I remembered Dr. Oz on Oprah and the organs he showed from bodies of healthy and unhealthy cadavers. It was an epiphany that stayed with me for a while. That is until I quit reading my affirmations (following) and the weather got cold and snowy in Denver.
So, I’m back. And I’ve started going to the health club again when I can’t go outside. And I’ve even lost a pound. I went grocery shopping and cooked several meals on Sunday for the week. And here are some of my daily affirmations:
- I am thankful for the nutritious food I eat daily.
- I am grateful for the great walks I take 4 to 5 times a week (or go to the health club).
- I appreciate the wonderful, healthy food I buy weekly.
- I enjoy cooking delicious home-made meals.
- I take care of myself by eating just enough to feel full knowing there is always more food should I get hungry.
- I take care of the inside as well as I do the outside.
- I enjoy occasional deserts.
And I’m not a food addict. I just need to be gentle with myself, look at the positive things in my life and enjoy every day. We all need that, yes probably even Oprah!
