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Can You Say Something Else Other Than: Having Said That?

As a new writer, I’ve learned not to use popular clichés although unfortunately, I probably use them when talking.  But one that I do not like hearing is and can say I've never used is “having said that” or that being said” or “that said” – if it’s even a cliché or just an over used term.   According to the blog Clear Writing with Mr. Clarity: “Unfortunately, having said that has graduated from fad to mania over the last five or six years. That means more of us are tending to use it without thinking.”

I cringe when I hear someone use the phrase. I did just hear them say what they just said.  I don’t have extra wax in my ears that prevent me from hearing what they are saying. So why use it? Habit? Nothing else to say? Better to use it than to say “you know”, “yeah like” or “ummm?”

There are no rules of English grammar that say you can’t use it. Although according to Clear Writing with Mr. Clarity, “The phrase having said that must be followed immediately by a noun or pronoun referencing the person(s) who said whatever preceded having said that.”  You can’t use “there” after the phrase because it is not grammatical. 

And using “having said that” when writing instead of talking well now that’s worse.  Maybe we can start write: “having wrote that” or “that being written”, oh and better yet, “that written” or “that wrote” (ooh that sounds like horrible grammar - wonder what Mr. Clarity has to say about that?).  And that’s my humble opinion on the phrase!  Oh and Mr. Clarity also says not to use “like” as I just did

Just Say Thank You, Please

Last week I shopped at Costco and found a deal: for $299 you can join 24Hour Fitness for two years or $12.50 a month with no initiation fee. I’m a member of 24Hour and I sent a friend a 24 day free pass from their website which she is taking advantage of and thought she might be interested in the great deal. 

Melissa, I said, “I’m not sure you would consider this, but Costco has this great deal.”
Her response, “No I don’t want to spend the money. And if I join I might join as an add-on family member with my neighbor.  Not interested.”
 
She kept going until I interrupted and said, “Okay, I have to go. I will talk to you later.” 

No “Gee, thanks for thinking of me.”  No “Wow. What a great deal - wish I could.” No creative ways to say thank you.  Just a lot of reasons as to why not. And I started thinking: I know how someone feels when someone is trying to be helpful by making what they think is a good suggestion and I quickly say no, not interested before I find creative ways to say thank you by simply saying: Thank you for thinking of me.  Great suggestion. Even though I may not be interested or it is quite irrelevant to me.  

When you say thank you, it makes the other person feel good and it makes you feel better about not making excuses. It also makes the situation positive.

I’ve noticed the difference in a few job seeker groups I attend.  The one with the positive slant is Caffeinated Careers Club led by Tracy Laswell Valdez of Career Magic in Arvada, Colorado. One of the rules on their Yahoo group networking site is: Please don't tell us all that you already know on a topic, as this wastes precious networking time and shuts down others who might try to help you. Smiling and saying "Thank You" will open the door for more assistance.

It’s not a pity party! Do not waste your precious networking opportunity by telling us sad stories about how unfair your job loss is, how crappy the economy is, how much you hate job searching, how scary your bills are, how limited your possibilities are, how no one will call you back, how mean the interviewers are, how the younger generation / foreign competition / robots are taking our jobs, how the politicians are messing everything up, etcetera. While any number of these things may have some truth to them, and we sympathize, this is not the time or place to complain. It will suck the life out of the group and discourage people from connecting with you. Playing the role of victim will not help you get through your job search. Empower yourself to accept what you cannot change, and focus on impacting the things you can about your search.

Ditto. I’ve learned so much by attending this group on choosing my attitude and how my words can affect others.  And I’ve experienced other meetings where job seekers are allowed to go on and on about their situation. I’ve seen how it deflates the morale of the group and I’m sure affects the person speaking. because they affirm their beliefs out loud for everyone.  So the next time someone makes a suggestion, just say thank you. You’ll feel better and so will they - one baby step at a time.